DOUBLE WHAMMY: Short Poems & Wasting My Life on Video Essays

I am employing this image as a Visual Metaphor.

Jason and Sammy

Preface (I'm Doomed)

It has finally dawned on me that I am experiencing a serious creative rut. It was also indicated to me in this same click of the mind that this may be in part because I have failed to fully expunge the demons of my last two YouTube.com endeavors.

If I had to describe the overarching trend of my life in the past 3-4 months, it would be housed neatly in the alliterative phrase, "sophomore slump." The past year was a year of plentiful "firsts" for me, and now, rolling into this dreary late winter cast upon the new year, it seems the little jalopy in my soul has plum run outta gas. Maybe a moment to retrace my steps is what I need to remember where I ought to be going, and, more crucially, how I ought to get there.

And so, here I am. To finish the job...

Short Poems

BEGAN WORK: 11/16/25

UPLOADED: 12/26/25

Regaining My Respiratory Spunk

Throughout the near entirety of October and November I was quite ill, various things compounding and interchanging in waves. I remember on Halloween evening staggering to the grocery store with a face mask and a pulsing headache trying to get some candy for the neighborhood children and a can of Dinty Moore beef stew for dinner. I had just enough brain capacity to worry that people thought I was wearing some sort of insensitive costume of "Coronavirus Victim" or perhaps just a broad "2020 Guy" sort of get-up. But boy did I look sick as all hell.

I spent $45 on three bags of candy. FORTY-FIVE DOLLARS!!! MY LORD!!!!! This nation has gone down the freaking drain and I am NOT saying that facetiously even though I replaced a harsher expletive with the word "freaking" like I were in middle school. To be honest I don't think we ever had any hope as a nation. I know this opinion is going to get me on a watch list. But I feel like I already am on a watch list because I had to buy a copy of the Communist Manifesto in college for a class. I know that sounds like a really stupid thing to be put on a watch list for. But if you know anything about a fella named McCarthy and his cronies, you'd be just as worried as me. Although I feel like every US Citizen is on a watch list, to be quite frank. But it's just sort of an automated one that shadow bans you online if you say that ICE is a modern Gestapo comprised of high school dropouts, or the GOP is evil. Or that every late night host is directly responsible for at least 20% of our nation's diminished intelligence. You know, true stuff. Sorry for getting Political team. I forgot was talking about Halloween candy.

Me

Anyway, I washed my hands and whatever before I put it out on the porch. I even wore rubber gloves. I definitely wasn't trying to infect anybody with my Ailment. Really, the safe thing would have been not to put candy out at all. But I remember in 2014 when I was finally too old to go out to get candy (also consistently unwell), I sat outside the porch with a bowl of candy to hand it out to folks. But I had the porch light off since I started before it got dark. And these two Millennial dads (real hipster types, long brown hair in ponytails and thick glasses) looked out at my porch and pointed and one said, "look at these assholes, can't even leave out some candy for kids." And the other one scoffed in agreement. When I immediately turned the light on, I saw the faintest glimmer of contrition in their eyes, but I could tell they thought I hadn't heard them. I didn't say anything about it. It was just a misunderstanding I suppose. But gee, if they had just gotten a little closer, surely SOMEONE would have seen the bowl, even in the waning light of dusk... Anyway, I have been terrified ever since and always leave out a bowl, no matter my physical condition. And honestly, if those bastards somehow came back 11 years later and got my Mummy Curse, they probably deserve it. 

And that's why I'm stunted for life. I remember everything like it was yesterday, and so does my temper.

Just kidding folks, I'm a chill and normal well adjusted individual.

Anyhow, I was sick, is the point. Really took the scenic route to get to that bottom line. I posted my stupid Home Part 2 video on 11/7, then spent nearly a week feeling sorry for myself. But something changed on the 16th of November. Some of the phlegm in my throat had finally dissipated, and I could breathe just a touch better. It was like my brain was finally receiving the oxygen it needed to think a little clearer. And what a feeling! If you can breathe uninhibited, you probably haven't thought about it in a while. I want you to take a deep breath. Inhale, hold, exhale. Feel your lungs functioning. If you can do that, you've got a gift, my friend. The little things, they say, the little things...

I woke up the morning of the 16th thinking about a short poem I had actually mentioned briefly in my first poetry video, a little ditty by Coleridge, "Fragment 3: Come, come thou bleak December wind," one of my favorites:

Come, come thou bleak December wind, 

And blow the dry leaves from the tree! 

Flash, like a Love-thought, thro' me, Death 

And take a Life that wearies me.

Yeah. Flash, like a Love-thought, thro' me, Death... It's a little melodramatic, that's the Second-Wave Romantic flare-- but boy does it hit. And sometimes I like a little melodrama to remind me not to take things so seriously. I don't know why, but having a bad head cold and crying out, "TAKE A LIFE THAT WEARIES ME!" makes me remember that like. I could be in hospice. So... You know, it's pretty chill overall. 

Anyhow, a secondary though accompanied that poem. Now, there's a simple sorta video. A short video on Short Poems. That's how you get out of a rut. You do something. ANYTHING! And so I started writing.

Notes on the Video

For once in my life, the writing process was actually pretty smooth. And quite fun. I loved sifting through all my favorite short poems and looking for new ones to discuss. I only had two guidelines (aside from poem length), I did want to make sure I had a more diverse smattering of poets on display, and I wanted to avoid any "here's what sucks" examples. For spiritual reasons. But I'll admit, it was hard. A lot of the Insta-Poems I hate most are under three lines. Many are just un-rhyming couplets. I almost snuck one in the background when I say the line, "...short poetry can get kind of a bad rap nowadays. When done poorly, it can appear to have no effort at all put into it." But I fought through the urge. Which poem was it? I'll never tell. Tee Hee.

I tried to find an easier, more visually consistent way to present the poems while preserving the painting backgrounds I really liked aesthetically in the first video. I did that by having the short poems on little paper-textured slides (if not straight screenshots/photos of the poems from a book), with a wooden background behind. I then overlayed the painting onto the wooden background, then added a little noise effect to make the whole thing feel more alive. I think it looks pretty good and even ties into the mention of Envelope Poems and eventual scrap-paper theme of the conclusion. Otherwise, par for the course in terms of Cole Rooty visual style and presentation. And no problem with that. After such diversions as the last few videos, it was nice to make something straightforward. 

This is what I was talking about

Working Through the Holidays

Believe it or not, I've actually been making an effort to force myself to "relax" more. I always feel some compulsion to be doing something, and this sort of thing is what makes a fella go batty. Were my mind not annihilated by Fanboy & Chum Chum growing up, I'm sure I would find this a rather straightforward task. But because my mind constantly craves stimuli (and thus exists in a constant state of exhaustion from that), I have often decided to channel this compulsion to do things into what I deem as possibly "productive." This, of course, results in a warped complex of its own. Have I ever said anything kind about myself in this compendium thus far? I have a lovely smile. :) There.

My award winning smile. The award was "most smile by cole" and I was both the judge and honoree 

Anyway, I was off of work for a couple weeks due to the holidays. So I decided I should try and "chill out" then. But I had this video to finish editing. No matter, I thought. I would pick it back up in January.

... 

After a few days, I really started feeling like I was going to completely lose my mind. I couldn't take it any longer. 

Here's a sorry sight. Young man working on his stupid YouTube video alone in his home on Christmas Eve. But a twist! I was in a state of total bliss. It was dark, quiet, and I was happily clicking away at Final Cut Pro without a care in the world. I was in my Element. Yes, my Element. That's right. I finished the edit and scheduled the upload around midnight, as usual. I knew it was probably the best and most cohesive video I had yet made. I realized something in the wake of its completion; I was going to be alright, even if I spent the rest of my life as a two-bit nobody making little pointless curios for an audience of none. Because the feeling I had when I completed a work I was proud of far outmatched any feeling the YouTube.com blue line had ever given me, even at its most upward of trajectories. I felt alright that night, and made an effort to crystalize the feeling and cherish it while I could. Even if I had a bunch of familial Christmas Cringe to handle the next day. That would be alright too.

Then I Posted It

The video came out on Boxing Day. And it didn't do so hot. But that was alright. I knew it was good. I knew I had, even for a moment, crawled out of the misery slump I had found myself in with the last pair of videos. This one wasn't going to be the big Blockbusting comeback the little starry-eyed goblin in my head desired, but the more sensible parts of my head were content with what I had managed.

Now I could kick back and enjoy the rest of my holiday.

One Year (of) Wasting my Life on Video Essays

BEGAN WORK: 1/4/26

UPLOADED: 1/23/26

Alright, So I Couldn't Kick Back

I had to do MORE!! (I am starting to, in real time, realize what may be the reason for my current slump...) The day after I posted my previous video, I started working on the outline for this one. It wouldn't be scripted, but throughout the year I compiled a lot of things I wanted to say. Too many things, not all things I really ought to say... So I made a little Google Keep note to make sure I was going to stay in line and on track.

My outline

I had the note done a day or two after the miserable new year. But rewinding a moment, the miserable new year... I was sitting with my cat who ruined my life watching the "In Memoriam" segment of NBC or ABC or whatever's New Year Party on mute. I had just finished reading Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston and was pretty bummed out. Absolutely gorgeous book. Not a pick-me-up!! And then watching all those dead fellas on mute was making me kind of sad too. I took a few pictures of the cat but he wasn't really doing anything interesting. I had a mug of hot chocolate by me, but it had gotten cold. And I don't care for chocolate milk. So I had stopped drinking it. 

I was just sitting there on the couch a while. I realized something a little unpleasant. I had absolutely no direction for the year ahead. I had no idea what I should be doing to work toward what I wanted. Or would it be better to maintain status-quo? The "new year" illusion had ruptured in my head. I realized I had no sense whatsoever of any "new" in the whole ordeal. I always thought I was above that sort of thing, even as a kid. But I guess I had always been under some sort of spell. Maybe because in school you have semesters, you technically have a clear end point. Nothing past school feels like a clear end point. Except Death. But even that doesn't always feel so clear while you're alive. How can anyone die if they're alive? A stupid question written out, but if you really try to parse it in your head, something blocks you from making sense of it. Like a thick fog... 

Anyway, I filmed the video on the 4th. It was nearly 4 hours of footage. Eagle-eyed viewers may notice I finally used an actual handheld microphone instead of a shotgun mic with cat hair on it shoved into my face. I already had the mic, I just didn't have an audio interface. I "SPLURGED" and got a Zoom H4 Essential. I realized I needed one of those for a variety of reasons. Of course I'm still getting the hang of it. I didn't realize you could adjust the gain on the interface itself, so my mic was super super quiet. I boosted it in Final Cut, but I think I mixed the entire video quieter than the others because of that blunder. Then later when I used it to record a cover of Dan Reeder's "Stay Down, Man" for my second channel, my freaking vocals were way too quiet for the same reason. I tried to fix it in GarageBand (which I can barely use) and only ended up having it peak during the end of the choruses. Which is still bothering me. I need to try that song again. Whatever.

Singin' in the tub

I Cut a Lot

Boy, did I cut and cut. Having removed the pauses and stutters and whatnot, the video was still nearly 2.5 hours. I couldn't live with myself if I posted that long a video of me rambling about nothing. I eventually managed to get it down to only an hour, but a lot was left on the floor.

I had delved a lot into specific YouTube people that I had felt inspired by or even felt were driving the platform in the wrong direction. I had referenced a lot more specific videos than I ended up including in the final product. Ultimately I felt like it was distracting from the "personal journey" intent behind this one, and I also didn't want to make it seem like I was calling out anybody in particular. I wanted to reference JSchlatt's video on theweeklyslap, "This Was All I Ever Wanted. What Happened?" I thought the way he, a wildly WILDLY successful person on this platform, expressed the lack of fulfillment and anguish he felt by YouTube's method of turning artists into gambling addicts was really powerful. Especially what he said about the way YouTube ranks your videos by performance, and the way a 10/10 is the most crushing thing on Earth. I stare at that stupid ranking all the time and it can ruin my entire day if I start watching a video slip from 1 or 2 to a 7 or 8. And it's just the dumbest way to look at a video. 

And the confetti. I just got the confetti on my tiny second channel for a measly 71 views after posting that stupid song I made for the Minecraft video that I cut. 71 views. Seriously...?

hooray

What a miserable way to make sure all anyone cares about are the little numbers AROUND the video, and not for a single second the video itself. I actually have many more thoughts on the algorithm that I may post eventually to this blog. I have a few paragraphs on it stowed away somewhere. But not right now. I don't think I've really seen the peaks I would need to so that I could get a real, full understanding of the treachery involved here...

Another video I wanted to mention was one of the most impactful video essays I had ever seen, from a rather unlikely place. "haunted by my digital footprint" by greenisnotnick (nickisnotgreen). A full chronology of his online exploits, his rise and fall, and his searing regret over the whole thing. As a former freaking edgelord, I found the whole thing harrowing, and if not relatable in that I haven't (yet) started a pyrrhic flame war online, relatable in that sometimes I do wonder if the things I am saying and doing now in order to get a "leg up" so to speak and pursue my creative endeavors will somehow come to bite me badly later. Or maybe that the entire thing is steering me down a bad path. But I trust my gut on those sorts of things, and I put in an honest effort all in all. So I remain cautiously-- very cautiously-- optimistic in my pursuits.

Having mentioned that video in the original cut, and thought on it more, I actually made another cut I had really not entirely wanted to. An anecdote I did really want to share. You see, I've had very little interaction with any other YouTubers so far, seeing as I'm just a little guy and still green around the ears. But I did once get a no-subject email from someone with a great deal of subscribers critiquing the title of one of my videos. It was so patronizing I kept trying to laugh at it but no sound would come out. I just couldn't believe my eyes.

In the spirit of honoring the lessons learned from YouTubers past, I shall not reveal much more. Honestly I really think it was done out of the purest intentions. But then they salted the wound by telling me my Linktree had a typo in it. A real insult to injury sort of thing. Youch... The experience made me realize that maybe I wasn't ready for the YouTuber sphere. I'm too sensitive. Like Francis Whitman says in The Darjeeling Limited:

Great flick. One of my favorites

The chance of the person who sent that seeing this freaking blog post, I have decided, is a genuine .0000001%. But even so, I KNOW YOU MEANT NO HARM! I'M SORRY I BROUGHT IT UP!! But I thought it was interesting enough to share. And pretty funny. And make no mistake about it, the egg is very much on my face.

Eventually I whittled the video down as much as I could. There it was. A recounting of my first year taking YouTube as seriously as a job, eschewing the carefree "I'll make videos just 4 fun" weltanschauung of my sordid past. Like I say in it, not a terrible start. I have to give myself SOME credit here... 

Bomb #2

I mean, this was really one for the Rooty Diehards. Again, the gambling addict in me always holds out hope that some fluke of the algorithm will blast me to stardom when I least expect it. But then again, since part of me is always expecting it, that's how I know it'll never come. And seriously, what about my YouTube career is really all that appealing to the average viewer while the world is collapsing all around us? That's the funny thing about making a video like that, or writing a blog like this. It really is just purely for the Love of The Game. And that's why I'm strangely drawn to it. Something in that artistic bereavement, that hopelessness, fascinates me somehow. I may die on Grub Street, but you best believe the puddle I'm curled up in is gonna hear about it!

And the comments were so incredibly supportive. The real Rooters came through for me. And the first video of mine in a long while with a 100% like ratio. An unobtainable thing for a video that hits it big. Worth cherishing.

Thanks team

But that was two weeks ago now. And since I put that one up, I've felt all out of sorts. I thought I had an idea for the next video, but it wasn't materializing in my mind. I actually had a very involved project I was planning for January, but that one I scrapped due to the realization I came to and noted in "Wasting My Life," that all the unpleasant vibrations in my last crop of videos were really starting to get to me. 

It's very easy to espouse hopelessness when you feel hopeless. I have about a thousand video ideas I can pursue if I reopen that avenue. And maybe a handful are still worth making. But right now, I want to try something else. I want to make something that tries to find a glimmer of hope in something. Even if it really is exclusively for my own sanity. I have to want to get better at some point. Don't I? In high school I knew someone who would always say, "Yeah, I know I'm a bad person. I'm a bad person and there's nothing I can do about it. But at least I know I'm a bad person." I feel like a bad person a lot, too. A terrible person. I real pathetic worm of a person, because I'm a rotter, because I'm the most horrible, the most ridiculous, the most petty, the most stupid the most envious of all the worms on earth who are not a bit better than me, but who— I'm dammed if I know why —are never ashamed or embarrassed, while I shall be insulted all my life by every louse because that's the sort of fellow I am! Notes From the Underground. Copy and pasted. My favorite monologue ever. 

And believe me, I know how pathetic of a monologue it is. As long as I've loved Notes, I've known that the Underground Man is the last person you should ever want to be. But that's why he's so appealing of a character to me. Because every Romantic is like that. Even the average bloke who's never read a lick of Keats has a little Undey in him. He's the personified Id of every loser to walk the planet. And going right out and saying it is such a strangely liberating thing. Liberating especially in that having seen it written out like that, you realize how miserable and pathetic all those sorts of inner thoughts are. It's that melodrama I was talking about earlier. It's cathartic.

I'll always love The Underground Man. But I refuse to spend my life away thinking and acting like him. And plus I don't have a butler to abuse. Where is my Apollon, to make my thumbnails...? I actually like making the thumbnails. And I really need to get the hang of them soon or the whole operation is going to shambles.

This is a pretty good one from cole branchy. Take notes, Rooty...

The Branchy Affair

On the note of cole branchy (first segue to ever occur from a photo caption), that place has become a real home away from home for me. I feel a beautiful quaint freedom there that I must admit the main channel has lost. I'll certainly keep mentioning it here and there, but I'll never advertise it again. I did have to post that I put that song up, though. Since I did mention that and I got a dozen comments asking for it. Literally 1000000% my fault at every turn (song creation > mention of song > threat to post song) and yet here I am whining about it. Because that's the sort of fellow I am!

Obviously, I have no intention of abandoning the main channel and the kind of videos I post there after how much I've poured into it so far. And I know the real artistic learning experiences lie in that body of work. But I am very happy to have my own Weird Little Video Area again. Like how this is my Weird Little Writing area. Where I can type whatever I want and get sidetracked near constantly three times per paragraph. And what the hell, I'll even leave a few typos in here and there! To give it charm. Obviously I'll clean it up a touch. Don't want to be sloppy for the sake of it. Same with my branchy videos. But I'm having a lot of fun there right now. It's a little video sanctuary for me. And I hope it stays rather small.

I actually have noticed a trend for many YouTubers to make a second lower-effort channel and then eventually jump ship to it. I am hoping to avoid this fate by having all the branchy videos be nothing more than short little goofy foolish romps for the sheer fun factor. I just hope nobody thinks I'm trying to bite Little Joel too much. If I'm trying to bite ANYONE, it's The Kid From Brooklyn. The Voice of The People. If I have one aspiration for the branchy channel, it would be to always pay my respects to the Big Man. Fly high, my corpulent idol...

I love you Big Man

So Now What

As I suspected, writing all this out has given me some clarity I've been sorely lacking these past two weeks. But it didn't really give me much of a plan. Here's what I'll do for now. First I'll look through this once more and make sure I didn't say anything too regrettable, then I'll just try to live this out a while. I'll post a few things onto branchy when I'm in the mood, but let the main be for a bit. Worrying won't do me any good. I just need a little inspiration and a good idea. Then I'll be back on the move again. Sometimes I need to remind myself that I have a life, too. Not just a freaking YouTube channel. 

Maybe one day years from now I'll look back on this (assuming I live) and chortle at how seriously I took this goofy little thing. And I won't begrudge my future self that. The good thing is I do have goals, I do know what I want, ultimately. But I just don't know how to go about it right now. And look at the state of the world, man. Maybe now's just not the time... Of course, that's no excuse not to put in that ol' honest effort. I'll keep on giving this thing a shot. I just need to collect myself first. And I'll collect myself.

I'll be back on the beat soon enough...

Thanks Again Goofballs

I read every comment, every message, etc. Even if I don't reply. Thanks for hearing out a fellow crackpot. And best of luck on the endeavors of your own. Anyway, THINK ABOUT IT!!! THIS IS THE BIG MAN, THE VOICE!!!! THE VOICE UDDA PEEOPLE....!!!!! And the Big Man's always happy to see ya.

Bye

Reading

In December I went through A Confederacy of Dunces and it was life changing. Then I hit Their Eyes Were Watching God and it was life changing. This year I've started things sort of slow. I read Mrs. Caliban by Rachel Ingalls and loved it. Now I'm nearly through with Kafka on the Shore. WOW! I'll reserve my thoughts for when I reach the end. Definitely want to get my reading numbers up this year. I'll work on it.